6. The secret for a happy marriage
-What's wrong, my
child, why are your eyes red from crying? the little girl's mother asked her
anxiously, when she came home from a school friend's house.
-There was a big
fuss today at my friend's house. Her parents were quarrelling and said many bad
words to each other. In the end they decided to split up and her dad left the
house.
-What did your
friend do then?
-She was crying
inconsolably and begged them not to split up. But they took no notice of her
and continued to curse each other. Why aren't all couples happy, mum, like you
and dad? What is it that makes them unable to live together with love?
-All people believe
that selfishness and stubbornness are the main causes for divorce. And that's
true. These two poisons have the power to kill every ray of love between the
couple. But the real root of the problem, my child, is not the relationship
between the husband and wife but the
relationship these two people have with the source of love, which is our good
God.
- Can you explain
this to me better, mum?
-My child, to have
love and to give love you have to be near God, who is the source of true love. When a man loves God,
then He floods him with the spirit of His love, which is honest, pure, strong,
sincere and sacrificial. Then this is the love that he gives to his wife and
makes her happy. The exact same thing happens with the wife. If the wife
respects and loves her God, she will receive the same love, to give to her
husband and her children. When they both trust God with simplicity, then
there is mutual trust between them. This
couple, whatever difficulties they have to overcome, they will overcome them
easily with the help of God. But if, my child, one of them or both of them
doesn't love and respect God, the result
is that what you saw today at your friend's house.
-Namely, my
friend's parents have no love between them at all?
-They have love,
but not the true divine love, which God gives us. Their love is affected by the spirit of evil, with the result that they
are full of jealousy, stubbornness, anger, selfishness, ulterior motives and
many other evils. And, unfortunately, such is the power of evil on them,
that they can't understand how wrong they are and to what self-destruction they
are being led.
-Mum, who is able
to help them understand this and change their lives?
-There are always
different friends and relatives, who are willing to play this role. No-one,
though, is able to play this role as correctly as a man of God. A spiritual father is the right choice.
Only he, with his wise advice is able to help them each to see their personal
mistakes and passions and to take their share of blame for their problems. And
we, your parents, many times needed to take the valuable advice of our
spiritual father, to be able to peacefully overcome difficult circumstances.
Moreover, when a couple confesses their mistakes and sins they have made to
their confessor, but also when they receive holy communion and take the Body
and Blood of our Lord, their souls are illuminated by the Spirit of God and the
marriage is turning into a small paradise. It is the paradise of love, in which they both live the five rays of love.
-What are these
five rays of love, mum?
-They are the golden guide to happiness in marriage.
They are what your dad and I followed in order to be loving and happy in our
marriage.
-Mum, I would
really like to know the secret of these five rays of love! Maybe, if my
friend's parents knew them, they would love each other again and be happy
without quarrelling.
-My child, when
your dad and I decided to get married we went to a devout and very wise elder
priest to get his advice. He talked to us about the five rays of love and
advised us how to live by them. He told us that in order to be able to walk on
the wonderful path of the five rays of love, we must first of all leave behind us every kind of selfish love.
-What does that
mean, mum?
-It means giving love from the depths of our heart,
without expecting something for yourself in return. Love is not a commercial
product to be bought and sold. I don't
give you love, so you give me back love too, but I give you my love selflessly
to make you happy. When I give you love, do I want to gain something from
you or do I give it because I love you and want to make you happy?
-Because you love
me and want me to be happy.
-The couples that
split up easily are those who didn't understand the holy sacrament of marriage
and don't want to learn how to remove the bad things which ruined their love.
-What didn't they
understand and are now unhappy?
-They didn't
understand that when a couple gets
married, God gives them each a precious and priceless gift, a sweet and tender
partner, to go together along the difficult journey of life. But in order
to live with happiness and joy they must each
put aside their personal selfishness and stubbornness, so that the grace of
God will act upon them giving them serenity
and joy. The five rays of love greatly help them to achieve the love, unity
and happiness in their marriage.
-I can't wait, mum,
to learn about the five rays of love, that the devout elder priest taught you.
-First, he spoke to
your dad and said to him: "You, my son, must love your wife with all the
strength of your heart, as she will from now on, with God's help, be the true
earthly power of your soul. But, apart from being your wife, which is the first
form of marital love, you have to protect her like a father protects his only
daughter. You must be a tender and affectionate father, who will be able to
understand the worries of his daughter and make her feel safe and trust by your
fatherly presence. It is wonderful to help her understand that you live only
for her and to make her happy. The fatherly affectionate presence is the second form of marital
love. In the third form of marital love you need to be, apart from a tender
husband and affectionate father, a sweet baby in the embrace of its beloved. Do
you think it's by chance that many times, when young couples talk to each other
they call one another "my baby'? No, of course not. It is often man's
need, especially when he is in pain and suffers from something unpleasant, to
search like a baby for an affectionate motherly embrace to feel calm. And you,
my son, must not hesitate to rest like a child on the breast and in the embrace
of your beloved wife. That doesn't only calm you but also your wife, who will
have the joy of giving, not only to her children but to you, the greatest gift
which God gave to women, which is maternal
love! These three forms of love in marriage, that is, a husband, a father
and a baby are the main ways that bring and increase love. But, we should not
neglect the others. Namely, being a friend and a brother to your beloved wife. As
her trusted friend, so she won't be
afraid that you will betray her, she will be able to trust you with a secret
and won't need to find her friends to tell it to, with whatever disastrous
results there might be. Finally, as her
beloved brother, you will be able to give her the beautiful feeling of your
brotherly presence. With this she will feel the unique joy which all beloved
siblings enjoy, who can with harmony and understanding solve all their problems
and talk about their dreams.
-Mum, all these
things that the wise man told dad are wonderful! What did he tell you?
-He told me to
become these five things too, in order to make your dad happy. First, to be a
good wife, who will love and adore him. With my womanly sweetness make him feel that he is living in an earthly
paradise. Secondly, to become a tender
and affectionate mummy, so when he is frightened by various problems
and temptations he will be looking for a
peaceful port to calm him. So, my breast and the beats of my heart will become
a motherly melody to lull him to sleep and drive away every unhappiness and
sorrow. Thirdly, to become a baby in his arms too, who enjoys the
unique fatherly love and his protection. Fourthly, to be his trusted friend, to whom he would not be
ashamed to confess some weakness, whereby he would be easily led astray by
another woman. Finally, become his beloved sister
and feel secure in my presence and constant sisterly help.
-I guess, mum, that
you and dad applied all those things and that's why you love each other and are
happy!
-Yes, my child. We
applied them not only to be happier parents but so you, our children, would be
joyful and happy. Our life affects yours. Depending on how we live as parents,
you will be happy or unhappy.
-I understand this,
mum, and I can see this in the case of my friend. How I wish that all parents
would live like you and all the children in the world would be happy! 